So the other evening I had what I'd call a waking nightmare. I was getting ready for bed. I'd spent the evening feeling very sick and horrible, and as I was climbing under the covers hoping that sleep would help to erase the bad day - a thought popped into my head.
What if I never wake up?
It came through with such clarity, such an affirmation that this would happen.
If I closed my eyes I would never wake up again. What a terrifying thought.
I sat wide eyed for awhile in bed, too creeped out to go to sleep. Cried a little at the thought of what I'd miss out on in my life if I did never wake up.
Vladdy came to bed and gave me a cuddle and assured me he would do his best to wake me up no matter what.
But...despite the fact that I did wake up the next morning. And the morning after that...my brain now keeps jumping back to that panic-inducing thought.
What if I died tomorrow? Have I done everything I want to do? Have I reached that plateau of happiness that seems to be everyone's goal in life?
I think the answer is "not quite". I'm working on it - but havent quite gotten there yet.
I hope the next few nights of sleep will be peaceful and maybe once this bad dream has faded from memory I can work on acheiving the happiness I really, truly want.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
That is a scary thought to live with, and I remember there are many nights that I dealt with the same issue.
I think you'll come to a point in your life where you'll realize what you need to truly make you happy, to make your life worthwhile, but it will take some soul-searching. I pray that you find it.
In the meantime, be grateful for what you do have and what you have achieved. As you have some things in your life that you are very happy and grateful for, I know. :)
*squish*
Post a Comment