Hot & Humid Days...

It has been very hard the last few days. My emotions have been volatile and all over the place. It seems that when you come off anti-depressants you have to learn how to feel all over again - you were so numb on the pills that you forget how overwhelming emotions can be.

I have thrown some giant temper tantrums as my anger has often crept up and surprised me. Killed the vacuum cleaner in one rage. Nearly destroyed the house phone in another.
Crying is easier, I can burst into tears at the drop of a hat. Over silly things too like RSPCA commercials on TV.

But on the other hand - the laughter is coming easier too. I can laugh for longer and louder.

So I guess I have to take the bad with the good

There are still downs

So. Not sure if I announced it or not - and I cant be bothered reading back over my many wordy posts - but I'm now medication free.
I have been existing on my own without anti-depressant help for a month now.
I had my first big drop on the weekend, where I cried for nearly 4 hours and it took a lot of encouragement and kind words to get me out of bed and back on my feet.

*sigh*

You can never really escape it....

Like...I'm so over it.

To the two girls I sat next to while working Overtime last night - you are the stupidest people I have ever had the privilege of listening to.

To a friend

Life can be hard sometimes. It can send you to the depths of the darkness and entrap you there, even though you have done nothing to deserve it.
Often it is other people who place you there. They put their own opinions, prejudices and dark thoughts on you so it weighs you down until you sink.

While in this murky world you can see nothing other than the pain that surrounds you and it feels like you cannot escape.
That you do not deserve anything other than the pain.
That you will drown in darkness.

There is a little voice within you that tells you things. It says you dont deserve it, it says you're not good enough, it says you'll never amount to anything.

My voice was in the form of my younger self. A young girl trapped in a school uniform, bound by her inner bullies. Crying. Always crying and hurting.

Speak to it, find out it's gripes. Find out WHY your inner voice is so bent on making you unhappy
And if it cant play nice and co-operate then inform it of the old adage - that if it has nothing nice to say then say nothing at all.
Tell it to shut up.

Silence the voice. Listen to your heart.

You deserve the fresh air on your face, redness in your cheeks, a smile on your lips.
You are young, smart and funny. The world is at your doorstep.
Be young and make mistakes. Be smart and STILL make mistakes. Then turn around and laugh at the mistakes you have made.
You have earnt the right to be happy and free with your life.

Life is for living (and all those other cliches).

It may seem like a lot of gibberish. A post full of cliches and mushy words.
It may seem like an impossibility. A lot of nonsense.

But...I cant believe that. I made it out of the darkness....so I have to believe that others will follow and find their way out too.
I dont want to see anyone else living with the same affliction I have suffered. I want to help.
Unfortunately my help seems to be coming in the form of some mad ranting & raving...

But I'm sitting here with my brand new life stretching out before me...and I can only hope that you will one day be sitting in this same position watching your life's endless possibilities unwind before you...

*squishes to all*