sick

I'm too tired and grumpy to write anything half reasonable or sensible.

I'm just sick of feeling sick - why? Because a year ago I needed some medical help to feel normal...and now that I've acheived some form of balance I am being punished for that temporary weakness. I now have to take pills to get over NOT taking pills. I'm on anti-nauseants to try and help ease the withdrawal symptoms of not taking the anti-depressants. But you know what? They work like shit. I still feel absolutely terrible and miserable and not at all like myself.

And guess what? I've only dropped my anti-depressants down by 2. I dont take 2 pills a week. There are still 5 others that I have to try and stop taking. And that is not going to happen easily - or at all. I think I might need at least a month off work to be able to actually acheive complete withdrawal. And that month will be spent in bed crying my eyes out and sleeping in between bouts of extreme vertigo, nausea, dizziness etc etc

I tried to stop taking a 3rd pill over the last long weekend, I ended up bawling in public on a train because I felt so terrible. The anti-nauseants didnt even make a dent in the nausea. And I took as many as I was allowed to take.

I'm now visiting the doctor (yet again) on Friday...and if she tells me that there is no other way around this...I think I might just break down and cry in the medical centre.