sick

I'm too tired and grumpy to write anything half reasonable or sensible.

I'm just sick of feeling sick - why? Because a year ago I needed some medical help to feel normal...and now that I've acheived some form of balance I am being punished for that temporary weakness. I now have to take pills to get over NOT taking pills. I'm on anti-nauseants to try and help ease the withdrawal symptoms of not taking the anti-depressants. But you know what? They work like shit. I still feel absolutely terrible and miserable and not at all like myself.

And guess what? I've only dropped my anti-depressants down by 2. I dont take 2 pills a week. There are still 5 others that I have to try and stop taking. And that is not going to happen easily - or at all. I think I might need at least a month off work to be able to actually acheive complete withdrawal. And that month will be spent in bed crying my eyes out and sleeping in between bouts of extreme vertigo, nausea, dizziness etc etc

I tried to stop taking a 3rd pill over the last long weekend, I ended up bawling in public on a train because I felt so terrible. The anti-nauseants didnt even make a dent in the nausea. And I took as many as I was allowed to take.

I'm now visiting the doctor (yet again) on Friday...and if she tells me that there is no other way around this...I think I might just break down and cry in the medical centre.

Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey

My new office is freezing - the air conditioning seems to be set at below zero and I have yet to have had a comfortable moment without goosebumps running up my arms.

And I do not take temperatures lightly. I have a very high body temperature, and am easily combustible. So any slight drop in temperature is met with a great sigh of relief as I cant normally regulate myself that well (stupid medication).

But this temperature! It's damn cold!

It seems that a blanket stowed away under my desk and perhaps some comfy slippers in my drawer are in order.

Either that or I'll slap the culprit who keeps fiddling with the thermostat.

Other than that the job seems fine, very straight forward and I know that I will be kept busy every day.
I also get the extreme pressure of knowing that if I muck up - a couple hundred people wont get paid.
Easy Peasy.

I am now arriving home overly sleepy and feeling like my brain has been sucked out of my head.

cross words

Is it really Friday?
It isnt just a figment of my imagination? Or a (an?) hallucination brought on by my drugs (or lack thereof)?

This has felt like such a long week. Every day has been harder to get through than the last. I have run out of things to do at work and now solve online crosswords, and no longer try to hide it from everyone else in the office.

Besides, I've only got one week left as an employee here...so what can they do? Fire me?

*sigh* and it is still on 2.37pm and I still have at least 2 more hours to get through....time to look up some new crosswords...