Some of you may know, some of you may not - but I am on anti-depressants.
After feeling well and happy for quite some time now I made the decision that it was time to come off them and start myself on the next step in life - creating my own internal happy drug.
However I am having extreme issues in dealing with the "withdrawal" that I'm sure my doctor didnt plan on - as the schedule she gave me has yet to be followed.
I havent even managed to make it to the second step.
The Plan:
Week One and Two - stop taking ONE pill on a Saturday (resulting in nausea, dizziness and what is fondly referred to as "brain shivers" on Sunday)
Week Three and Four - stop taking TWO pills on Friday and Saturday.
I just cant do it. And there are still several other weeks and months AFTER this step to go.
The last two Saturdays I have broken down crying (oh yes...uncontrollable crying is another side effect) because I felt so terrible.
I can honestly say that I have never felt this bad in my entire life.
Broken finger? No problem.
Serious Flu? Piece of cake.
Mysterious virus that robbed me of my appetite for 3 weeks? Easy Peasy!
This is beyond anything I have ever felt or experienced before.
I have vertigo so I cant really walk anywhere without feeling like I'm going to lose my balance. I also find I can walk into walls very easily.
Dizzyness and "brain shivers" cause even further crashes into walls, or the inability to co-ordinate my limbs.
Nausea - I have yet to throw up and I am not looking forward to the moment I actually do accomplish this feat. I havent thrown up since I was a teenager (a fact I'm very proud of) and I dont particularly want to break this record, but every week I try this it is looking more and more likely.
And this is on top of the normal, every day side effects I get which include: rapid heart beat, hot flushes/night sweats and itchiness.
So basically I feel like absolute shite. I haven't managed two days off the medication because I feel so disgusting I give in and take a damn pill - and then after taking the damn pill I then get the side effects resulting from TAKING the damn pill (damn pill, damn pill, damn pill - okay it's out of my system now). So I've had to resort to sleeping through any dosage.
Pretty much my weekends have not been fantastic. I lie everytime anyone asks me if I had a good weekend - "oh yes it was fine."
I dont know how I'm going to do this. And I'm not sure how much longer Vladdy can keep mopping me up off the floor.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venlafaxine
Monday, February 26, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Old Beginnings
I have a job!
Well...a new one.
It's back at my old company, working with an entirely different department, doing entirely different work - so I'm happy! No phones!
Even happier when they wanted me SO badly they upped the pay rate.
Super happy when I didnt have to answer any silly questions at the interview - my history apparantly spoke for itself!
I got decidedly UN-happy when my current place of employment decided that 3 weeks wasnt enough notice and that they would try and jeopardise my new position by negotiating for me to stay here for a bit longer.
I dont understand. Truly I dont. I sit here and do nothing for hours at a time - and they think I'm an essential part of the company?
Can they not see that I NEED to go and move on and learn something new?
And most importantly - I no longer want to fall asleep at my desk?
I just have to stick to my principles - tell them that I have no leeway and that my mind is made up!
Well...a new one.
It's back at my old company, working with an entirely different department, doing entirely different work - so I'm happy! No phones!
Even happier when they wanted me SO badly they upped the pay rate.
Super happy when I didnt have to answer any silly questions at the interview - my history apparantly spoke for itself!
I got decidedly UN-happy when my current place of employment decided that 3 weeks wasnt enough notice and that they would try and jeopardise my new position by negotiating for me to stay here for a bit longer.
I dont understand. Truly I dont. I sit here and do nothing for hours at a time - and they think I'm an essential part of the company?
Can they not see that I NEED to go and move on and learn something new?
And most importantly - I no longer want to fall asleep at my desk?
I just have to stick to my principles - tell them that I have no leeway and that my mind is made up!
Monday, February 19, 2007
Monday Morning
It is Monday Morning, 10.26am, and I have just finished all of my work.
I have 13 emails in my work inbox. They're all actioned, I just cant delete them until I have final confirmation.
I have searched through my "to do" folder - and there is one lonely piece of paper in there, which requires me to remove a single entry from a database on the 26 Feb.
I have archived and filed to the extreme - I have destroyed so many ancient files that I have managed to remove two giant folders from my desk. So there is a bit more space now to spread out my non-existent work.
And I HATE being bored - I mean I'd rather it was BUSY and I had too much stuff to do, because at least then I'd feel useful and not a waste of space.
Another job interview at 1pm today...at least that will keep me busy for a while.
I have 13 emails in my work inbox. They're all actioned, I just cant delete them until I have final confirmation.
I have searched through my "to do" folder - and there is one lonely piece of paper in there, which requires me to remove a single entry from a database on the 26 Feb.
I have archived and filed to the extreme - I have destroyed so many ancient files that I have managed to remove two giant folders from my desk. So there is a bit more space now to spread out my non-existent work.
And I HATE being bored - I mean I'd rather it was BUSY and I had too much stuff to do, because at least then I'd feel useful and not a waste of space.
Another job interview at 1pm today...at least that will keep me busy for a while.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
My Valentines Evening
Exit train station and cross through the bus stop to the road
Notice that a lady in black is following just a little bit behind me and we are both looking left & right to see if it is clear to cross
It is clear to cross so I make my dash across the road and make it to the safety of the cars parked on the other side when I hear the sickening sound of brakes, shattering glass and a thud.
Turn to see a car smoking, windsheild smashed and the lady in black on the ground.
The drivers and passengers of the vehicle (all young teenage hoons, scruffily dressed) jump out. Several of them turn back to the car to hide distinctive VB-green cans under the seats.
I stare in horror for a second before running over to see if I can help.
Lady's head is cushioned on someones knee - someone else is picking up her strewn items (including a crushed box of Valentines chocolates), while about 5 different people are calling for an ambulance/cops/help.
I mill around unsure of what to do - do I stay? I saw them hiding beer cans - which means they were most likely drunk at the time. Do I go? I didnt see the entire thing - but the lady was JUST behind me, and when I crossed the road and it was CLEAR, which means they were speeding.
It also means that if I was any slower in crossing the road I would've been the one on the ground.
The ambulance turns up first and quickly assesses the damage, the witnesses mill about not sure of what to do or how long to wait for the Police to turn up.
It is learned that myself and one other person are the only real people who knew what happened - so we huddle under the bus stop out of the hot sun and keep an eye on the roads for a cop car.
The cop car turns up - not what we expect, it's a lime green traffic car, not the normal blue and white flashing lights scenario at all.
A statement is taken from the driver who is waving his arms about emphatically, his pimply face is bright red. The cop closely inspects the shattered windscreen.
Another train load of passengers arrives & pour out into the bus stop area and starts ogling the mess before them. My eyes are focused on the cop, waiting for my turn.
He calls out for witnesses and myself and the other witness step forward.
I describe that she was just behind me and I crossed the road only seconds before her - AND IT WAS COMPLETELY CLEAR TO CROSS.
I also detail the distinctive VB-green cans getting stuffed back into the car.
The cop writes it all down, nods and heads to his car pulling out the breathalizer. I watch as my only real witnessy act is proven - the driver of the car is taken away as he is over the limit.
The remaining passengers of the car involved in the accident then proceed to get louder and more hostile (just even FURTHER proving that alcohol was involved) and start making overtures to myself and the other witness.
I believe the "C" word that rhymes with "hunt" was used in reference to myself.
Hitting redial on my mobile I called Vladdy for a pick up - no way I was walking home by myself while these guys were starting to pump themselves up in readiness for any kind of fight they could get - especially when the cop was trying to get the driver strapped into his car to take him to the station.
I'm afraid that my bravado is not that good when faced with 4 drunken yobo's with nothing better to do than speed around public areas and hit people.
I'm afraid my valentines night was a bit of a bust...because after that I didnt feel so romantic...more spooked out.
BUT I had to write it down somewhere. In case one day I actually get a call from the cops and am asked to remember EXACTLY what happened.....
Notice that a lady in black is following just a little bit behind me and we are both looking left & right to see if it is clear to cross
It is clear to cross so I make my dash across the road and make it to the safety of the cars parked on the other side when I hear the sickening sound of brakes, shattering glass and a thud.
Turn to see a car smoking, windsheild smashed and the lady in black on the ground.
The drivers and passengers of the vehicle (all young teenage hoons, scruffily dressed) jump out. Several of them turn back to the car to hide distinctive VB-green cans under the seats.
I stare in horror for a second before running over to see if I can help.
Lady's head is cushioned on someones knee - someone else is picking up her strewn items (including a crushed box of Valentines chocolates), while about 5 different people are calling for an ambulance/cops/help.
I mill around unsure of what to do - do I stay? I saw them hiding beer cans - which means they were most likely drunk at the time. Do I go? I didnt see the entire thing - but the lady was JUST behind me, and when I crossed the road and it was CLEAR, which means they were speeding.
It also means that if I was any slower in crossing the road I would've been the one on the ground.
The ambulance turns up first and quickly assesses the damage, the witnesses mill about not sure of what to do or how long to wait for the Police to turn up.
It is learned that myself and one other person are the only real people who knew what happened - so we huddle under the bus stop out of the hot sun and keep an eye on the roads for a cop car.
The cop car turns up - not what we expect, it's a lime green traffic car, not the normal blue and white flashing lights scenario at all.
A statement is taken from the driver who is waving his arms about emphatically, his pimply face is bright red. The cop closely inspects the shattered windscreen.
Another train load of passengers arrives & pour out into the bus stop area and starts ogling the mess before them. My eyes are focused on the cop, waiting for my turn.
He calls out for witnesses and myself and the other witness step forward.
I describe that she was just behind me and I crossed the road only seconds before her - AND IT WAS COMPLETELY CLEAR TO CROSS.
I also detail the distinctive VB-green cans getting stuffed back into the car.
The cop writes it all down, nods and heads to his car pulling out the breathalizer. I watch as my only real witnessy act is proven - the driver of the car is taken away as he is over the limit.
The remaining passengers of the car involved in the accident then proceed to get louder and more hostile (just even FURTHER proving that alcohol was involved) and start making overtures to myself and the other witness.
I believe the "C" word that rhymes with "hunt" was used in reference to myself.
Hitting redial on my mobile I called Vladdy for a pick up - no way I was walking home by myself while these guys were starting to pump themselves up in readiness for any kind of fight they could get - especially when the cop was trying to get the driver strapped into his car to take him to the station.
I'm afraid that my bravado is not that good when faced with 4 drunken yobo's with nothing better to do than speed around public areas and hit people.
I'm afraid my valentines night was a bit of a bust...because after that I didnt feel so romantic...more spooked out.
BUT I had to write it down somewhere. In case one day I actually get a call from the cops and am asked to remember EXACTLY what happened.....
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
How many interviews is too much?
This is a question I wish to throw out to the universe...
I have just completed my Third interview for this job I am aiming for (technically four if you count the phone interview, but that is just complicating things). I have had One interview with the Recruitment Agency and Two with the Company doing the hiring itself.
I just got informed on my exit out of this most recent interview that they were most likely going to run a Fourth interview.
I'm beginning to get a bit tired of the process of running around to attend short interviews...is it because I'm not entirely what they want or need and they keep hoping I'll turn up at the next interview with oodles of new experience to add?
Or are they just realllly slow at making decisions?!
Maybe they have short term memory loss & cant remember what each person looks like and have to be reminded once a week?
I dont know...at least I'm getting lots of experience with job interviews...I should be an expert by the end of February.
I have just completed my Third interview for this job I am aiming for (technically four if you count the phone interview, but that is just complicating things). I have had One interview with the Recruitment Agency and Two with the Company doing the hiring itself.
I just got informed on my exit out of this most recent interview that they were most likely going to run a Fourth interview.
I'm beginning to get a bit tired of the process of running around to attend short interviews...is it because I'm not entirely what they want or need and they keep hoping I'll turn up at the next interview with oodles of new experience to add?
Or are they just realllly slow at making decisions?!
Maybe they have short term memory loss & cant remember what each person looks like and have to be reminded once a week?
I dont know...at least I'm getting lots of experience with job interviews...I should be an expert by the end of February.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
